Losing my virginity again!!!

Love and desire have given way to a much darker hell.

Little remains now of my former self,

For the poison of life and its foul ways, have taken their toll again,

I do it again

drink my sorrows away

and feel myself as I was when I was a virgin again

I got lost in a woken dream

As I daze and swim through the beauty

And look at the painting as

Things should be

Days pass , My heart goes out.

As my tears thickened in an endless pout.

Question after question I tend to ask,

When would I remove my dark veiled mask?

Now nothing, no not anything is the same

Hundreds of headlights whip past me

Leaving nothing but tails of fading light

And they're leaving me behind

i try to run after them but no avail

I remember how it felt to be innocent...

And I'd kill to feel it again

I feel something inside me lurking

and it controls me inside and out.

I can feel the change in me

Making me bring my fear out.

I don't know what it is or how it's happening

but i just wanna tear someone's fucking head off,

or leave them bleeding till their languish takes them out.

Ahh..Indeed... What a bliss it is to lie in cold obstruction and to rot;

This sensible warm motion to become

A kneaded clod; and the delighted spirit

T0 bathe in fiery chasm of chaos, or to reside

In thrilling region of thick life freezing ice

I scare people so much more

people quiver when they see me

ahh i love it ..

They fear of death and i love all the way more..

Their scent

Their sweat

Their emotions

Tainted with fear

Fear OF ME fear OF Death itself...

The creature within me has given me everything

but i still somewhat feel the real me trying to tell

me that i need to get rid of the creature inside me.

The old me is saying that i've forgot who i am or was

i need to let go of the new me or i will be gone forever,

people will no longer talk to me and I will harm people

i dont want to hurt,

people i love will suffer because i didn't change

It feels like my sense of sanity has been torn from me

It 've taken my hand and led me to the doors of despair

I am like a fool having followed and kissed myself goodbye

Who was to be blamed??

I ,it or them

This beautiful face of innocence

now blemished in this surreal sky of fools

As I sit in this forlorn world

Only the rats and spiders to befriend

Despicable things always to be seen

Is this how i meet my end?

I look out this torn window and see the storm,

All the noise and all the rain.

A replica of my old life in it's exact form,

Going from sunny and hopeful to dismal and gray.

I run from myself,

And into the raging storm.

I stand in the rain,

Hoping to wash away the creature inside me.

The thunder cracks,

And shakes my soul.

The lightning smacks,

And leaves a hole.

But the taste of the blood and the dark makes me feel cold

As slow,y and steadily the rust corrodes every fibre of my being

Like a acid that burns and eats through putrid flesh.

Half of myself remains hidden,

Untainted by the corruption

This light I hide,

It lingers in my soul

In my heart

Lies such an empty hole

My thoughts and feelings unacceptable,

My tears cried.

Hate for everything and everyone I love

Hate towards myself grows stronger

I am my worst enemy

I understand myself no longer

Each day I fight a silent battle

With the reflection in the mirror

I hate myself

Each day it becomes a little more severe

I sit and cry,

Silently I shout

I go numb inside,

I need to let it out

But instead I let myself sit here…

I let my numbness burn into rage…and fade into sorrow…

I don't look in the mirror as I pass. My eyes dripping with tears,

I cant take life now, I cant take my fears… I cant take myself

Time shall heal me.

My corruption

My hatred

My Lust

and make me whole again

Because i am what i am

I know its too late to run or hide..

As I have lost my virginity for good

But as i sit in darkness..

I feel the light

Whispering to me

Feeling me

healing me

Slowly but steadily

An inner battle rages on between the inner and my outer self

My whole being is praying that someday they will meet!

But atlast i hear the voice of a kindred soul

A voice which i had longed to hear all these years

I wanted to run away from this voice

But im just another cause of my pain

I make myself sick

But i Realise this..

The one who shelter from the storm,

One who keeps me warm,

My Solace from a world out of control

I find the peace I’ve lost,

the gain for all my cost

WAS inside me all long.

My own kindred soul

I was born again with a new purpose..

A new vigour

A new leash of life which i held on more dear

But alas ,I can never just give myself up

I have and had to find that spark again ,the creature within

As it hungers again

To ignite that fire once more

As for the time being am left alone with my true soul

But i am afraid very afraid for the creature that lurks inside may rise up again,,

AND MAKE ME LOSE MY virginity again!!!!